"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
