Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
