I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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