It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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