People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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