i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
