I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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