Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
