ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
