I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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