oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
