I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
