Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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