Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
