My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
