hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
