my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
