dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
