bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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