Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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