I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
