God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
