you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize