Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
