Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
