I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
