they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
