upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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