so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
