I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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