I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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