so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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