To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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