Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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