Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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