We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
