if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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