i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
