drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
