I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
