break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize