How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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