i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
