Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize