maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
