I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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