I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
