So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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