i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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