Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
