google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
