Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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