Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
