drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
