The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
