Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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