What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
