btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
