Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
