she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
