yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
