nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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