i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
