who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
