I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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