I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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