My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
