Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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