I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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