if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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