I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
