Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
