Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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