i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my shit smells like andre
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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