sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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