I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
