i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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