If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
