you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
