Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
