My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
