I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
