that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
