That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
