Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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