I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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