I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
