I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
