I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
