I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
