so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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