he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
