awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
