yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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