i was born a porn star she said
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
