Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
