dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
