you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
