Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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