i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
