Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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