Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
