i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
